PICKING ON PACKER FANS

I had fun the other day messing with Packer fans on the 18 route. This guy got on with a Packer sweatshirt on. I told him his fare would be $500 due to the shirt he had on. I told him he had boarded a Viking fan only bus. He laughed and paid his fare. He stayed up front and talked smack about how the Packers were going to beat the Vikings. ( Vikes won! wooooo hooooo!)

I told him that if I had my way, Viking fans would ride free and Packer fans would have to pay triple to make up the fares. People on the bus laughed and joined in. Some were Packer fans, some Viking fans. It really made for a fun trip.

I get PAID for this!

BLUEBERRY SHORTCAKE

I was doing the 11 route recently. This teenage girl got on Monday dressed like Strawberry Shortcake, but in light blue with white polka dots. To set off the outfit, she wore green and white horizontal striped leggings. She sat with her friend and her conversation cracked me up. One profound statement she made...."Stupid people are stupid." That was deep....NOT!

The next day she went from little girl to slut. She had on calf high boots with fishnet stockings peeking up over the top to just above her knee. They had a cute ruffle and a bow on the side. She wore a too-short skirt and topped it off with a useless flimsy jacket. Actually, the outfit would have been kind of cute on a 20-something going to the club. It just didn't work for a teen girl going to school. Her profound statement for the day...."Short term relationships never work out." Hmmmmmm...maybe that's why, or because, they are short term. Ya think?

The next day she got on and sat with a young black girl. Lil' miss blueberry shortcake is white. When I turned onto the detour we've been doing for a year or more, shortcake acted surprised and said "She turnin'?? She turnin'! She turnin!" I was sitting there thinking "duh, we've been turning here forEVER!" Then I thought...If I were that little black girl sitting next to her, I would be offended. Why did this little white girl have to ghetto up her lingo just because she was sitting next to the black girl? She hadn't been talking like that to her white friends. That's just wrong. It's insulting to the black girl.

Anyway, I was quite disappointed the last day I drove the route. Blueberry wasn't there. She was like a walking comedy to brighten up my morning.

THE SICKEST GUY IN THE WORLD!

I was driving down Nicollet Mall when a 16 let out a bunch of people. Of course, they crossed in front of my bus, against the light, and made me miss my green light Most of them got on my bus. The last guy told me his transfer had just expired. I asked to see it. He thought for a minute and then told me he gave it to the other bus driver. Feeling conned, I told him he'd have to pay the fare.

He went for the sympathy move. He said he just came from the plasma donation place and they told him he couldn't donate because his temperature was....get this....two hundred and four!!!!

I couldn't help but laugh. He wasn't even sweating and he was almost twice the temperature that would KILL you!! He's the sickest guy I've ever seen standing on two feet!

2009 BUS ROADEO

I had a ball competing in this years Roadeo! There were just over one hundred bus drivers competing this year. I placed 16th. Bummer. The worst part is that I was told if I had driven the course faster I could have been FIRST PLACE!!! I'm traumatized. I could have unseated the guy that wins every single year for forever! I could have competed in the NATIONAL competition! I knew I was going through the course slow, but I was trying my best to master each obstacle. You lose one point for every second over the 7 minute limit. I did it in 8 minutes and 8 seconds, so I lost 68 points!! That sucks. Now I have to wait a whole year to try and put together the accuracy and the time.

Wish me luck!

ANOTHER FUNNY BUMPER STICKER

Was having a rare boring moment driving the bus the other day. I was sitting at a red light when I noticed the car in front of me had a bumper sticker. It made me laugh so thought I'd share.

"Jesus loves you, but I'm his favorite."

Had to call my mom and tell her that one! Actually, I think she's his favorite!

TRAUMATIZED LADY

I was driving the route 2 recently. As I pulled up to the bus stop on the little triangle island where cedar, minnehaha and franklin meet I noticed 4 drunk guys. Just my luck, I hit a red light. The biggest of the drunks approached my bus. I opened the door and he said "We need a ride. It's cold out." I wanted to say "Yeah, right! You have enough antifreeze in your system to get you through the winter!" However, I chose the professional approach and I told them the fare was $1.75 each. He said they were only going to 14th avenue. I told him everyone paid a fare and they would have to pay too. He got mad and I closed the door. I watched his buddy wobble as I waited for the light to change.

The guys started crossing the street against the light...no big surprise. Then I notice the big guy throw his arms wildly in the air and start yelling and running. On the other side of the street I noticed a young lady with a backpack looking terrified and running away from him. My light changed so I hurried across the intersection and pulled up just in front of her. I opened the door and she jumped on. Her eyes were wide and she looked more than scared. You could practically hear her heart beating through her coat. She thanked me repeatedly as she dug for a fare. I told her she didn't need to pay. I just wanted to get her out of that situation she was in. She said she'd be glad to pay, she had a bus pass. She thanked me again for stopping for her.

I don't know what those guys had in mind, but I'm glad the poor girl didn't have to find out. What losers.

The girl rode all the way to Nicollet and thanked me again before she got off the bus. I told her I was just glad she was safe. Other passengers seemed impressed that I would stop too. What would you do? I couldn't just drive by. If that had been me out there or someone I care about, I would hope someone would stop to help!

I must confess, I did try and use this situation to get an extra day off to extend an upcoming vacation. I told the dispatcher the story and told him I was supposed to get the hero award. This award included getting Thursday off. (There were already 2 drivers on the waiting list...no hope for me!) Knowing me, the dispatcher played along. He congratulated me and told me I got a Thursday off...not the one I wanted but one of his choosing. He'd let me know when it came up. Darn! I tried!

MEAN, OLD, CRABBY LADY

I was driving the southbound 6 route pulling through Southdale Mall on my way to Minnesota Drive. I picked up this lil' old lady. I thought she was kind of cute at first. She had on a ton of makeup and was very well dressed. She reached up with a fistful of coins and put it into the farebox. It was 75 cents. I told her the fare was $2.25 during rush hour unless she had mobility ID. She snapped back, "You should have told me that before I put my money in!" I wanted to tell her I wasn't a mind reader and had no idea how much money she had in her fist or that there was a sign on the farebox that gave the prices, but I didn't want to sound defensive or rude so I just said "sorry".

She put in the rest of the fare, grumbling the whole time. I popped up a transfer and she snatched it. She was quick! As I pulled away from the mall and made a right turn onto York, she yelled "Aren't you going down France?" I explained that I took France to the Mall and would be back on France from Hazelton to Minnesota Drive...that I was still southbound. She stood up and walked directly to the door saying "Your sign says France. I need to go back down France!!" She kept pointing north so I figured she thought I was a northbound bus. I really should have taken her to the next bus stop, but she was pretty mean. I didn't want to get hit by someone that I couldn't hit back. I don't hit old ladies. I pulled the bus over immediately and let her off, blaming me all the way.

It's always the bus drivers fault.

BIZARRE MURDER

I take notes on transfers when I think I have something I want to write about on the bus. I ran into this transfer the other day while cleaning. I thought I put this story on a while back but can't seem to find it. It was so bizarre...can't believe I didn't blog it yet. Here goes.

There's a guy that rides the 46 that always has a story to tell. He seems pretty normal, but one day he got on and told me an unbelievable story of his daughters murder.

The guy says he's from some small town. He said his daughter was a great student in high school. She was well liked by everyone she met and was just a really neat kid. Seems she ran into some psycho. He took her and beat her. He cut off her breasts and, as she died, he put a 6 inch speaker into her mouth so he could "hear what death sounded like".

The story was so bizarre, I question if it is really true. I don't know if you could fit a "6 inch" speaker into a persons mouth...unless you cut it open, I guess. Who knows. It was so strange, when I ran into these notes it took me a minute to remember what they meant.

I still see this guy on the bus...especially on the 46. I don't know if I should feel bad for his loss or keep my distance. If he made this up, he's gotta be quite a sicko!

TRAVELING?

I drove by a couple of those sign people again the other day. They were standing by the Basilica in downtown Minneapolis. The sign they held kind of bothered me. It said "Traveling. Need tickets." WHAT???? I've been working hard all my life. I am planning a well needed, well EARNED vacation this fall. I'd LOVE for other people to pay for my tickets!! Heck, I wanna go para sailing too....maybe I should get a sign.

I know there are a lot of people struggling with this economy and job losses and such. However, I don't think "traveling" deserves help from other people that would love to do the same. If you want to travel, get a job and save your money and pay your own way!!

I still think the cure for "signing" is to have reputable charities give people that donate money a card for each dollar they donate. The card would list their name, address, phone number and the services they offer...food, clothing, shelter, job training or whatever. Instead of giving people on street corners cash (that I KNOW a lot of ends up at the liquor store or ...worse yet, given to a drug dealer) you give them the card. It's a win-win situation. The people get the help they need, if they really do need it, and the charities get money to provide those needs. The people that are just looking for you to pay for their next high will get tired of getting cards and stop begging on street corners.

I would rather (and have) help someone out who is collecting cans. I feel they are keeping America beautiful while they make their own money. I've handed over a few bucks to people I see doing this and actually told them "Thanks for keeping America beautiful." They appreciate it and don't see it so much as a handout, but a gift from a grateful stranger.

Heck, think I'll run for Governor!!

HERE I AM

Sorry I've been gone so long. It's been a busy month. My father got pretty sick on the 4Th of July and was put on life support. He got better and was sent back to his nursing home only to be back in the hospital days later. I went to the State Roadeo Competition to cheer on our guys. We didn't win, but still had fun. Was my first trip to Albert Lea. We visited the Spam museum and took a little side trip to Iowa to go to the casino. I won about $900 !! Shortly after returning, my dad wasn't getting better and we had to take him off life support. He died about 37 and a half hours later. We had a great day with him before he went. He was quite spunky. Hard to believe he'd be gone so soon.

Anyway, after the funeral and everything was over I came back to work. A day or two later one of the guys that competed in the Roadeo in Albert Lea was killed, along with his wife (who was also at the Roadeo to support him), in a car/motorcycle accident.

It's been a long month. Now I'm back and hope you are all still here with me!! Thanks for your patience.

MOMMYS' LITTLE HELPER

I was driving the 12 route Friday and got a couple regulars. The mother is a deaf mute who rides a scooter. She has an adorable little girl who is about 2 and a half years old. She often rides on her moms lap. Initially, I thought this was her grandchild, but was corrected by other riders who seem to know her. They told me it is actually her daughter.

Anyway, I put the lift down to pick up the pair. The little girl was just adorable. She was dressed in a pink "Hello Kitty" outfit. She had a matching pacifier in her mouth. I was tempted to yank the pacifier away to save the mother from future HUGE dental bills...and because the kid is a little old for a pacifier...but I restrained myself.

The little girl insisted on helping by putting the monthly pass into the farebox. She pulled it out of its little envelope and waved it around. She mumbled something that was totally not understandable. Partially due to her age and partially due to the stupid pacifier. Meanwhile, the mother left the child up by the farebox to pay the fare as she went to park in the handicapped seating area so I could strap her in. I was stowing the lift, which takes both hands. The little girl was too fast for me. She slipped the monthly pass into the dollar bill intake! I tried to reach up and catch it before it went in, but I was too late.

I turned and looked at her mother and she could tell what happened by the look on my face. I felt really bad. I realize it wasn't my job to babysit, but I still felt bad. I popped her out a 24 hour transfer, gave her a few free ride passes and had her fill out a card to put into the farebox that would provide the information to get her card mailed back to her. Of course, I called Control to inform them of the situation and let them know I had given out the day pass and free rides so I wouldn't get in trouble later. The lady seemed okay with the situation and how I handled it. I think she realized that she should have helped her child pay the fare and not left her alone to do it.

I did have two people say something to me as they got off the bus downtown. Both liked the way I handled the situation and thought I did a good job. That made me feel a little better. If either of you are reading this...thanks. It's always great to get support.

Lesson for the day...If your toddler wants to help you pay the fare, guide them through the process!!

LAYOVER LOVIN'

Heard something pretty strange and hilarious from the other drivers recently. Thought I'd share. Please keep in mind, bus drivers are just people, too. There are about 1450 bus drivers in our bunch and any time you get a group that size, there are bound to be a couple oddballs.

Recently, a driver got fired. Seems he was continuously running 20-30 minutes late. A supervisor decided to try and find out what the problem was and went to a layover spot where the driver was, again, running very late. The bus was there, but there was no sign of the driver. The supervisor went to check the bathroom and opened the door only to find the driver getting a little lovin' on his layover from a hooker!

Upon reviewing the video from the bus, seems this driver also enjoyed pleasuring himself...on the bus!!

Note to other drivers....when the bus is turned off...the cameras stay ON!! Don't do anything you wouldn't do in front of your boss!!

How freakin' EMBARRASSING!!

AND THE WINNER IS....

CONGRATULATIONS to Jennifer. She found me on my 46 route yesterday over on the St. Paul side. She knew the winning phrase and walked away with a really cool bright yellow messenger bag, the new and graphically improved beer stein mug, a bumper sticker and pin.

Thanks to all that played along. Thought you'd find me sooner! Especially with the recent giveaway clue!! Someone commented that I could be on the 11 and they were right. I was on it all week!

Anyway, I've been found. I'm sure I'll do the contest again, just not sure when. I don't want it to be like an ongoing thing...more like a once-in-a-while thing. It makes it more fun.

Gotta run...there are strangers on street corners just waiting for me to pick them up!

HAVE A NICE WALK!

Kids are so stupid, sometimes. I was driving the 18 going into downtown and was pulling up near 63rd and Nicollet. There was a group of about half a dozen kids. I'd guess they were from about 9 - 14 years old. They were about half a block from the bus stop and they started waving their arms wildly as they ran for the bus stop.

I pulled up alongside them, intending to stop where the first kid was (the furthest from the direction I was coming) so the others could just file in. As I pulled up to the first kid, one further back along the side of the bus yelled "Stop bitch!!" I stopped the bus, kept the door closed and looked through the side windows at the potty-mouthed boy. I kind of rolled my eyes and shook my head and pulled off. The kid couldn't have been much more than 10 years old. No way was I going to allow him to talk to me like that and then have him ride my bus...thus getting away with such disrespect.

After I pulled away, I called Control to let them know that I had passed up the group of kids and my reason why. They thanked me for letting them know and told them they'd pass that on to the bus behind me. WOO HOO!! Usually, that means that bus will pass them, too.

I hope they learned a lesson! If not, I hope they at least enjoyed their walk. ;)

CONTEST HINT

Okay, I'm getting tired of carrying these prizes around. It's getting too hot. Hmmmm...don't wanna just give you the route I'm on. That would be too easy.

Monday - Thursday I will be driving from northeast to south Minneapolis. Here's a BIG hint....I'll be going down the Nicollet Mall. Okay...I think I've said enough. I probably said too much. Oh well. We'll see.

Don't forget the winning phrase!!! Picking up strangers is fun!!

GUY LINES

Recently, I was doing the 18. It's always good for comedy.

A lady got on. She was nicely dressed and took a seat alone and obviously wanted it that way. Sure enough, the sharks started to circle. I couldn't believe it when I heard one guy go up to her and say the one line I always thought was soooooo stupid and an obvious attempt to find out if a woman is single. "Is your husband married?" The look on her face was as though she was reading my mind..."What a loser".

Not long after that idiot left, another guy and his friend started talking to her. The conversation started out innocent enough. What kind of work do you do? Do you live south? Then it got funny. The guy asked her if he gave her his address would she go over to his place and watch his bird. It was so bizarre, even his buddy tried to hide his laughter. The girl was pretty smart and turned him down nicely. I have to admit, that is a line I have never heard before!!

SNOOZIN' ON THE MALL

I was driving down Nicollet recently. I was stopped at a red light next to Daytons/Marshall Fields/Macy's or whatever the name of that store is this month. As I waited to cross 8Th street, I noticed a guy across the intersection sitting on the curb ahead with a large duffel bag at his feet. It looked like he was waiting for a parade. As I watched, he pushed the bag with his feet until it was almost to the double yellow line in the middle of the street. Then he crawled off the curb and laid down with his head on the bag like it was a pillow. Luckily, I had watched all this. He was dressed in all dark clothing and the bag was dark. It was dark outside and, even with the lighting on the mall, he was hard to see.

I carefully drove around him to get to the next bus stop. I decided I better call Control and have them get someone to get this guy out of the street before a cab came around the corner and ran him over or something.

I like the Mall, but it's not THAT homey! Then again, maybe I don't know what I'm missing. Guess I'll have to grab my pillow one night and go check it out!

SUMMER SMELLS

I love summertime. We suffer through long winters here in Minnesota just to enjoy a few months of warmth. However, along with the summer heat come the summer smells. On the bus, these can get gut wrenching.

I had this woman get on my bus recently. No joke. I could smell her before I even had a chance to greet her. She stunk BAD!! Unless there is a new cologne out there called "eau de ass", she really needed a bath.

The drunks stench goes up a notch, too. That fruity smell of cheap wine is enough to make me gag. It smells like they threw up on themselves, brushed it off and continued on with their day.

If you take a bus, do everyone a favor and make sure you don't stink! Treat other peoples' noses the way you want them to treat yours.

Thank you...this has been a public service announcement...for real!

I LOVE FIREMEN

I was driving down Nicollet Mall recently. There was a little boy about, 4 years old, walking with who I'm guessing were his parents and some other people. There was a fire truck right ahead of me. The little boy heard the truck and turned to look. His eyes lit up an you could tell he was excited just to see one so close to him. The firefighters noticed him and stopped the truck. They called him over and let him stand on the truck. They blew the horn and made a quick tap on the siren. The little boy was in heaven. There were people stopping to take pictures. The parents got theirs, too. It was really cute.

As the little boy walked away and waved at the firefighters, they called him back again. They gave him some stickers. This was like giving the kid a bar of gold. He was overjoyed. He waved again as the truck slowly pulled away with all the grown men waving back at the kid.

Usually, I get mad when I am forced to miss a stoplight or two. This was worth it. It was fun to watch. These guys took a couple minutes out of their day to give a kid something he will remember for years.

By the way, I know there are women firefighters...but this truck happened to be all guys. I just am avoiding comments from those out there that want to point out that I forgot the women that fight fires. They are appreciated too, but the guys are more "hot" to me!!

BOGUS CUSTOMER COMPLAINT

I had this early 20-something girl get on my bus last week. She sat way in the back seat and talked loudly on her cell phone. She began to use quite a bit of profanity, so I felt obligated to say something for the sake of the rest of the passengers. I got on the microphone and made a general announcement to the effect of "We don't mind you using cell phones on the bus, but cussing is not allowed and will not be tolerated."

She seemed to quiet down for a while, but then the cussing started again. I pulled into a bus stop and told her this was her stop, she'd have to get off the bus. She gave a fake "sorry" and I told her my line that I seem to be making famous..."This is not baseball, you do not get three strikes. You need to get off the bus or the transit police will come and take you off." She then stated she had to get to work. I told her then she should have listened the first time I told her to stop cussing. She'd have to get off the bus.

She stormed to the front of the bus. I was thinking I should have snuck my pepper spray out. She seemed angry and not very reasonable. I don't like to pull it out unless I am going to use it. Even then, I like to do it discreetly so it is not taken as a threat. The element of surprise is helpful, too! As it turns out, she just wanted to get a good look at my driver number and inform me that she was going to call in and complain. I told her to feel free to call in. I hadn't done anything wrong, she did.

After she got off the bus, I immediately called the Control Center to let them know about the situation and to ask them to record the time in case she called in. That would make it easier to find on the video. They said they would and told me to fill out an incident report. Bummer. That's like half an hour of paperwork. I wasn't happy about it, but I did as they requested.

A couple days later I got a note from the dispatcher just as I was getting ready to pull out and start my day. This chick called in and lied!! She basically said she was just talking on her phone and I yelled at her so she turned it off. Then she said that I told her to "get the fuck off the bus or I'm calling the police" !!!!!!!! Can you believe it!!!!! What a liar!!

To make it worse, I pulled out and made my first stop at the Uptown station. Guess who was standing there waiting for my bus! You have no idea how hard it was for me not to confront that lying little bitch!! Instead, I used something I recently had in a training program that teaches you to deal with difficult people and situations. I just ran over and over in my head "be the bigger person, be the bigger person.." I chose to pretend she didn't exist and continued to greet, chat and be pleasant with the rest of my customers and enjoy my day.

Needless to say, I spoke with my manager and he said the complaint had already been "handled". He will look at the video eventually, but they know me well enough to know that I wouldn't be cussing out a passenger...especially when the reason I am kicking them off the bus is for cussing!! Thank God for all the bus cameras!!

STILL HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT

No one has found me yet!! The contest is still on. I realize the Twin Cities is a large hunting ground, so here are a couple hints to help you find me this week.

I will be doing two routes per day this week.

Both routes run between south and northeast through downtown Minneapolis.

Good luck!

I THINK I MET YOUR MOM

I had the most adorable trio of little old ladies on my bus last week. They sat behind me and I couldn't help but enjoy their conversation. They seemed to be having a great time. During their conversation, one lady let a cuss word fly and the others giggled.

One lady was saying how, years ago when she had school age children, a friend had stopped by and wanted her to try marijuana with her. Another friend that was there just wanted to see what it looked like. The others puffed away on the joint and seemed to enjoy the forbidden pleasure. Then she said "but we had to quick open the windows and air out the house before the kids got home from school!"

I laughed to myself, as I wondered if MY mom ever did such a thing. Heck, I had to get my wild streak from someone! I called my mom later that day and told her the story. Then I asked if SHE had ever done that. She pleads innocent. I believe her.

Maybe it was YOUR mom that was on my bus!!

SHE BACKED ME UP !!

Unfortunately, it is pretty rare that other passengers will stand up for the bus driver. Normally, people prefer not to get involved and just sit and watch the show.

Last week, I was driving the route 11. I had just started out from 40Th and Central and was heading for downtown. I picked up a handful of people. One nice lady got on with a large tray of pretty purple flowers that I'm sure she was going home to plant outside. The weather was typical of spring. The sun was shining but there were spurts of fast, light rain occasionally. There was even a rainbow...always awesome to see!

A few blocks later there were two boys in their late teens standing at the bus stop. One had a bike. I opened the door and the one without the bike immediately tried to play "Let's make a deal" with the fare. He told me he had a transfer and wanted to pay a dollar for his friend. I told him the fare was $1.75. He put in the transfer and again tried to make a deal with the fare for his friend. I told him the fare was $1.75. That is what everyone else on the bus paid and it wouldn't be fair for him to pick his own price. I mentioned his friend had a bike, a lot more than some people have. They decided the friend would ride his bike and they'd meet up.

The kid sat in the seat right behind me. Across the aisle in the peanut seat area was the lady with the flowers. The kid started mumbling how he couldn't believe I made his friend ride his bike in the rain. I couldn't help myself. I get tired of everything being the bus drivers fault. I told him that I didn't bring him or his friend outside and if he didn't want to get wet on a rainy day it would be best to stay home. The real kicker was the rain wasn't bad. In fact, there was more sun than rain. Anyway, I stopped myself when I realized how stupid I was being. No point in trying to speak sensibly to a grumpy teenager. I decided to leave it alone and just enjoy the day.

The kid grumbled to himself a little more and the flower lady couldn't help herself. She shook her finger at the kid and said " I know you. You ride this bus all the time and you are always trying to get away with something. You never pay the fare right. It isn't fair to all the rest of us. We pay the fare every day...all day!" I was surprised. I don't do this route too often and didn't recognize the kid as a chronic fare evader, but that lady sure did! He seemed a little embarrassed to have been caught and tried "You must be thinking of someone else." She immediately confronted him further "No, it's YOU. You are always trying to get away with something!" The kid realized he was busted and wisely chose to just shut up.

I wanted so much to chime in and support this lady! I wanted her to know I appreciated her backing me up. As I considered doing so, my common sense busted in and ruined my fun. I decided it would be too much like we were ganging up on the kid and I chose to leave it alone. She did fine on her own. I did give her a big smile as she got off and asked her about her flowers. She was pleasant as can be. If the kid wasn't sitting right there, I'd have thanked her for putting him in his place.

When the kid got off downtown I treated him like everyone else. I said "Thank you, have a nice day." I think that really threw him off. It was actually kind of funny. You could just see that he wanted to be pissed, but I was being so happy and nice with everyone...including him, it just messed him up.

I hope to see that lady again...hopefully, soon. I just want to thank her.

LET THE GAME BEGIN !!!!

TODAY IS THE DAY !!!

The contest to see who can find me first is officially on! YOU COULD WIN PRIZES!!

Here's how it works. The first person to find me driving one of my routes who says the winning phrase to me wins. Simple as that.

There are a few rules I made up to make it fair.
My friends, family and coworkers are not eligible to win.
I must be driving the bus, not out on the street somewhere.
You must say the phrase for THIS contest (not the one I had last fall) in order to win.

The prizes are pretty cool. They are; a really neat Messenger Bag (so cool, I got myself one!)
the new and improved Beer Stein Style Mug
a bumper sticker and a pin.

Yep, that's right...one lucky winner takes it all!!

The phrase you need to say to me is.... "Picking up strangers is fun!" *

Start looking and good luck!!

Disclaimer, for those who take things a little to literally...
* I do not intend for anyone to go picking up people you don't know. It can be dangerous! This is simply referring to the name of my blog, since it IS what I do for a living!
Be smart, be safe!

CONTEST COMING SOON !!!!

I had so much fun last fall with the contest, I'm gonna do it again. For those of you unfamiliar with the contest, it is basically the first person to find me driving a bus and giving the winning phrase is the winner! Friends, family and co-workers are not eligible to win. I will be starting the contest soon and will put up a blog to announce the start of the contest. THE CONTEST WILL NOT START UNTIL I PUT UP THE BLOG ANNOUNCING THE START OF THE CONTEST.

I've ordered new prizes for the contest. I decided to keep the beer stein style mug and added a stylish courier-type shoulder bag. Thanks to my big brother for adding to the choice of prizes. If you are interested to see what they are like, go to www.cafepress.com/pickingup to view the prizes and other stuff. Maybe next time I'll take suggestions as to what to get for the prizes.

Soon I will put up the blog to announce the beginning of the contest and to give the winning phrase that you must say to the driver in order to see if it is me and if you have won. For hints on what routes I drive and a little about what I look like...read the blog! I often mention what routes I am on. I have mentioned a couple things about what I look like that are a dead giveaway.

Keep checking the blog...the contest is coming SOON!

FREE WHEELIN'

Last week I was driving the 12 for 10 hours a day. Not a bad route. A lot of the people are regulars. One regular, in particular, I was less than happy to see. She's a lady in a wheelchair that usually has her 3 kids with her. She is well known for not paying her fare...or her kids fares.

I have had problems with this lady for about the past 2 years. I don't see her too often, since I switch routes so much. I have had her quite a bit on the 21 and the 12. I have let her go with a stern warning at least half a dozen times. Usually, it's because she has her kids and I don't want to involve the police with them there. I've also let her slide due to poor weather and the fact that she is in a wheelchair. The last time I had her on, she had her three kids. As usual, she didn't pay. I was fed up, but the weather sucked AND she had the kids with her. I put a little bass in my voice and warned her this was her last free ride. Next time, I would call the police and she'd be taken off the bus and given a $180 fare evasion ticket. When I got to her stop in downtown Hopkins and was unhooking her wheelchair, the oldest boy asked if I had called the police. He seemed a little distressed and was afraid his mom was going to jail. I explained to him that I didn't call the police this time, but that when people ride the bus they have to pay a fare. I told him his mom had a habit of riding without paying the fare and that was illegal. If I did have to call the police on her, she would get a very expensive ticket but she would not be taken to jail. He seemed relieved. The kids are great, actually. They are well behaved, fun kids. Their mom, on the other hand, irritates the hell out of me. It's not just that she doesn't pay the fare but that she pretty much ignores the three kids. She's always on her cell phone, loudly, for the entire trip. One time she had an Ipod or something, but she never seems to interact with her kids. Maybe that's why they get along so well. They are all they have. Mom has all the toys. The kids never have anything. Makes me wanna take them home and spoil them rotten!

Anyway, Miss never-pays-a-fare got on my bus on Monday. Decent weather, no kids...the chance I'd been waiting for. After I tied down the wheelchair, I stood there as she went through her pockets and purse repeatedly. I knew she didn't have a transfer. I also knew she just got off the 21. She never pays. Realizing I wasn't going anywhere without payment, she smiled and threw her hands up and said "no money". I told her not this time. I went and checked with the other driver to see if she had paid on his bus. He had relieved the other driver so he didn't know. Knowing she would have a transfer if she had paid and that she NEVER pays, I got back on my bus and called Control. I told them I had a chronic fare evader (that's what we call them) on the bus and would like the police to come handle it.

Realizing I was calling the police, the lady tried to hand me 36 cents. I told her no way. I had let her go far too many times already and she needed to know this was not acceptable. The police arrived. One officer recognized the lady and asked if I had called about her before. I told him I have had fare problems many times but never called because she usually had her kids with her or the weather was bad. This time I had had enough and there were no kids to scare and the weather was good. I requested that he give her the $180 ticket because the warnings were not working and there needed to be consequences for this repeat behavior. He indicated that he understood and said "By the way, it's $240 now. It went up." As usual, a passenger offered to pay her fare when he saw that I was unhooking her wheelchair tie downs so the officer could remove her from the bus. The officer told the guy that this was an ongoing problem with her and it needed to be taken care of. I was very glad the officer saw my dilemma and was taking action.

The lady was taken off the bus and from what I hear she did get the $240 ticket. I had her get on a couple days later and ,for the first time, she paid her fare! She actually overpaid. She put in a dollar instead of the 75 cent mobility fare. Seems even with the ticket, she's got money to blow. I've spoken with other drivers that know her and they said she's been paying on their buses too. I guess she did the math and realized $240 would have paid a whole lot of 75 cent fares!

No more free wheelin'!!

GANGSTER IN FUZZY SLIPPERS

I was driving the 11 and this kid about 17-18 years old got on. He had white three-quarter length pants on, sagging off his butt. A knit hat all crooked and barely sitting on his head. By far the funniest part of his wardrobe were the fuzzy black slip-on slippers he had on his feet. I tried not to laugh as he got on waving a dollar. He gave his best fake smile, tried to look cute and said "All I have is a dollar." I put my hand to block the bill feeder on the farebox and informed him the fare was $1.75. He asked if anyone had any change. Everyone on the bus ignored him. Finally, the little liar finally reached into his pocket...somewhere about mid-calf area...and pulled out another dollar. He mumbled about how the bus was taking all his money and went to sit down. He had his headset on so loud I could "name that tune" if I had brushed up on my gangsta rap crap. He sat there throwing gang signs to himself and anyone else that bothered to pay any attention to him. That got him absolutely no response, so he decided to sing along with his tunes.

After hearing a string of profanities longer than any of us on the bus cared to, I got on the mic and loudly told him that profanity is not allowed on the bus. He said "I'm just singing along with my music." I told him I didn't care what he listened to, but he wasn't going to use that language on the bus. His response "My bad." He kept bopping his head and tossing signs, seeming a little annoyed that no one seemed to care.

As he got off the bus downtown, he cussed up a storm and glared at me as he went out the back door. I laughed out loud. Some of the other passengers looked at me like "be careful!" I said "It's kind of hard to be a tough guy when you're walking around in fuzzy slippers!" They all laughed.

I MADE A FUNNY

Anyone that knows me knows that April Fools Day is a day that was made for me. I like to mess with people. I decided to play a joke at work...try and brighten someones day.

I pulled in at 3 AM on April first after a very long 12 hour split day. I asked the dispatcher for paperwork to write up an accident. I told him I'd need an extra sheet to explain in detail what happened. I sat down, laughed to myself and filled out the form.

Name: Anonymous
Date of birth: Yes
Sex Male or Female: ?
Date hired: What?
Drivers license number: I don't have one
Number of passengers on bus: A bunch
Number of people in other vehicle: Didn't look
Damage to bus: Lots - I left quickly though, so I hope no one saw me!
Damage to other vehicle: Even more! I peeled outta there!
Control center called yes or no: Heck no!
Supervisor at scene: No way!
Police at scene: I hope not!
Injured persons: Didn't stick around to get names. Are you kidding me?!

Description of accident: I was at a stoplight. I knew it was gonna be a long one, so I figured it was a safe time to hit my crack pipe. The pipe got really hot and burned my fingers so I dropped it on the floor. When I reached to pick it up, I spilled the cold beer that was in my lap onto the floor. When I reached for the can, I accidentally floored the gas and flew through the intersection and hit two cars and a fire truck. Being a little paranoid about getting caught, I put my "Drop off only" sign on and turned off the passenger signal and got out of the area as quickly as possible. Of course, I didn't collect any courtesy cards or call Control or anything.
By the way, can I get Workers Comp for my burned fingers? I can't seem to grip the steering wheel very well due to the blisters.
Enjoy your April Fools Day! :)

Signed: Bus driver
Date: Sometimes
Address: Under the 35W bridge at Lake Street

I turned it in. Later I found out the safety guy thought it was hilarious. He sent a copy to our Risk Management department and asked them how this one should be classified. They thought that was pretty funny, too. Seems it made some rounds in emails. My fellow drivers have been requesting copies of the report from me. I'm glad I could brighten so many peoples day! April Fools Day should be once a month!

Life is short....enjoy it!

WHO HIT ME?

I thought I put this blog up, guess I forgot. It was pretty funny. I was driving the 21 and had just turned back onto Lake street after leaving the Chicago Transit Center. There was a guy that had fallen asleep in his seat. He was way drunk.

The drunk guy fell onto the floor. He just laid there. He didn't seem to move or anything so I immediately called Control. People on the bus were telling him to get up or the driver was going to have the cops come. As he laid there curled in a fetal position with his head under the seat across the aisle from where he had been sitting he suddenly moaned "No, I'm alright. I'm okay." I was glad to hear him speak. One guy said "Man, you're laying on the floor of the bus!" He eventually got up and back into his seat. I turned and asked him if he was okay or if he needed any medical help. He said he was fine. I told him I just wanted to be sure, because it sounded like it hurt when he fell. He didn't want any help. Control called and I told them the guy seemed alright. He was laughing and joking with another guy and refused any medical help. Control told me to try and get his name and write up a report when I got in. They would get the security tape from the bus cameras to put with the report and we let it go at that.

He kind of shook off the jolt of the fall and looked around, checking out each person near him. Then he said "Who hit me?" It was hilarious. The guy he was joking with laughed and assured him that no one had hit him, he had just fallen out of his seat. Others around him were laughing, too.

Of course, he was the last one on when I got to the end of the route. I told him I had to write a report and would like his name for the report. He looked like a kid with his hand in the cookie jar. He said "No, I can't tell you that!" I asked him where he was trying to go. He said "South Minneapolis" I said "So far, so good. You're here." He then said he was trying to hook up with the 18. As much as I didn't want to, I offered him a ride back to the garage with me. The 18 comes right on the corner there. He seemed suspicious. I could just see him thinking about how I had asked his name. I must be the enemy. He said he was fine where he was. I proceeded to pull in to the garage, by myself, to start my half hour of paperwork. Sucks. It was on a Friday night and I just wanted to go home. Oh well, ya gotta do what ya gotta do!

Still makes me laugh to myself.... "Who hit me?"

FUNNY BUMPER STICKER

I liked this one...thought I'd share.

Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.